It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
