Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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