i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
you made out with another girl for some wings
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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