Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
