get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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