So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize