Just fell off a train. Bad.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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