I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
