i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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