If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
