He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
