so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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