Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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