I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
