Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
