You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
