Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
