Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
