Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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