So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
