If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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