i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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