How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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