I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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