break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
