I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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