But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
