A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
