so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize