I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
