Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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