$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
