i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
