This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
