Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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