You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
