What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
