Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
