now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
