respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
