so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize