just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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