that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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