hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I stole a fireplace last night.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
