I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
