So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
