he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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