My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
