Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Damn victory sex feels great
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
