I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
