He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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