we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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