Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
