Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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