i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
two words: eviction party
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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