found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
