guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
