whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
