Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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