when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
