I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Randomize