We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
